Saturday, November 30, 2013
Welcome to my world. Starting another day with the need and effort to manage my anxiety and other features of PTSD & an Anxiety Disorder. After I typed that sentence I answered a text, that adds extra "factors". Current plan is/was to do my walk with the neighbor that just cancelled out for shopping. A lot of tension/anxiety as the plan is/was(?) is a continued and yesterday escalation of and by a man & wife living in the remote area I walk and on my most preferred and used route. The guy almost hit (<2 or 3 feet at about 20-25 mph) WayVer on the dirt road (private with public access). There's been a series of discussions, a lot of attempting to placate their concerns and explain myself, without much back except a "hard ass" approach and what certainly looks like road rage and a willingness to try to intimidate me. Yesterday in their SUV they surprised us from the back and as my neighbor and I tried to get the Boyz and us off the road (as is our normal practice to get off to the side and put the Boyz on a sit stay) they kept coming even as I tried to physically push WayVer off the road and Willie got excited and broke off HIS sit stay to come to me. I put up my hand to try to get him to stop (so we could clear as we obviously were trying to do). He kept coming and stopped within about 2' of me (I was concerned the mirror would hit me) and yelled, "Get the fuck off the road". Montana State Trooper will be visiting them today or tomorrow. I'm not much at all inclined and have absolutely NO intention of being intimidated and/or bullied. Multiple reasons for that. Stubborness certainly, but also a long term opposition to both ideas and a feeling that by NOT taking action people encourage or imply acceptance (approval??) of that behavior. Decision on the plan as I write this is I think changing to avoid the appearance of "antagonizing by flaunting my presence". Gonna be alone and not sure if the Trooper has made contact YET. I think I'll "do the right thing" and hope the Trooper will have some effect for when tomorrow or whenever I continue. Thanx for the time Mr. Blog.
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Yesterday and today I decided to avoid the area in the hope that the Trooper would have time to make contact and hopefully do something to convince the people that their behavior is NOT appropriate or acceptable. I didn't receive the call the Trooper promised, but this morning's weather easily could have brought accidents and reports that prevented the contact. Right now it's "up in the air" about walking in the morning. John may go or not and we'll have to decide once we get there where and if we walk. I've decided that I'm going to revert to walking alone again. At least for a while. I very much enjoy walking with John, but that adds too many additional factors to decisions about walking. Time & route decisions must account for two personalities, desires, other commitments etc. This ongoing tension has destroyed some of the calming effect of my walks. I still get the fresh air, time outside, wide open spaces, dogs being dogs running sniffing finding "treasures" etc. At the same time NOW there is always a shadow thought of what, when, why and how. On one hand I could go elsewhere, but that simply isn't right and THAT creates discomfort for me. Walking from and via the areas and routes that I did before (these people moved in) has a tension (especially now that I know I should expect either or both drivers to endanger the Boyz and/or me and maybe even anyone with me) that creates thoughts of not allowing the bullying/intimidation and hopefully finding that enjoyment that's been stolen. I've opposed bullying so many times in the past and NOT doing that doesn't bring peace. It would make me feel as though I'd failed society by leaving this behavior to continue without opposition. If John walks tomorrow or not I'm going to tell him I'll be going alone for awhile. I've had Bryan order me a small camera to record the behaviors hopefully LE will be able to use whatever. I mailed a letter to the Missoula County Sheriff asking for clarification of what certainly feels like minimizing me almost being hit, and focus being on the presence of the dogs and trying to have ME alter rather than the drivers that the Trooper said MAY be criminally charged (criminal recklessness and/or criminal negligence) depending on what happens if/when he talks to them. Simple consideration......
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