Welcome to my world.  Starting another day with the need and effort to manage my anxiety and other features of PTSD & an Anxiety Disorder.  After I typed that sentence I answered a text, that adds extra "factors".  Current plan is/was to do my walk with the neighbor that just cancelled out for shopping.  A lot of tension/anxiety as the plan is/was(?) is a continued and yesterday escalation of and by a man & wife living in the remote area I walk and on my most preferred and used route.  The guy almost hit (<2 or 3 feet at about 20-25 mph) WayVer on the dirt road (private with public access).  There's been a series of discussions, a lot of attempting to placate their concerns and explain myself, without much back except a "hard ass" approach and what certainly looks like road rage and a willingness to try to intimidate me.  Yesterday in their SUV they surprised us from the back and as my neighbor and I tried to get the Boyz and us off the road (as is our normal practice to get off to the side and put the Boyz on a sit stay) they kept coming even as I tried to physically push WayVer off the road and Willie got excited and broke off HIS sit stay to come to me.  I put up my hand to try to get him to stop (so we could clear as we obviously were trying to do).  He kept coming and stopped within about 2' of me (I was concerned the mirror would hit me) and yelled, "Get the fuck off the road".  Montana State Trooper will be visiting them today or tomorrow.  I'm not much at all inclined and have absolutely NO intention of being intimidated and/or bullied.  Multiple reasons for that.  Stubborness certainly, but also a long term opposition to both ideas and a feeling that by NOT taking action people encourage or imply acceptance (approval??) of that behavior.  Decision on the plan as I write this is I think changing to avoid the appearance of "antagonizing by flaunting my presence".  Gonna be alone and not sure if the Trooper has made contact YET.  I think I'll "do the right thing" and hope the Trooper will have some effect for when tomorrow or whenever I continue.  Thanx for the time Mr. Blog.

I'm thankful for: DOGS
11-30-2013 Especially dogs I've owned or known, but all dogs everywhere for the joys they bring.

I shared the link on FB and since then (this morning) I've had "anxiety" and/or the coffee jitters.  Neither is unusual, not familiar or manageable.  I am almost constantly self monitoring, clarifying and reflecting.  I'm very, very, very aware of words and wording.  I try to be aware of the words, message "intended" and what is NOT spoken and what THAT means (to me from my perspective).  Adam said one time that I select my words very carefully, I agree and do that intentionally in the attempt to say what I/Roger intend to convey.  Makes me long winded.  I consider myself "a simple man, with complex ideas/thoughts".  I'm very, very much aware of how I see myself and that undoubtedly and without fail that is different than others perceive me.  I'm okay with that difference because there is almost nothing I can do to change the view of others even when I wish to.  My own view is that I won't (intentionally or consciously) change solely to please others.  I will change if I think the view of others IS more accurate than my own, but that is almost never based on one other person.  I accept that long winded label/view because I DO "have something to say" as Sheila phrases it.  Recently (last couple/few years) I'm more and more aware that many "block me out".  I think that is almost a universal thing for many people as they age.  Years ago I was repeatedly told that people pay attention when I speak, that's changed sometimes and more often as I've aged out of the generational dominant group.  It is what it is, and an illustration of those ideas mentioned above about awareness, reflections and acceptance of perspectives.

I'm thankful for: COMBAT CONTROL & the CC FAMILY
11-29-2013 The men, the mission(s) and the bonds. All of those past and present. Now the Family that is Combat Control which includes much, much more than the men and our bond. That is to say the women, children and all the loved ones of those men through time that have been or are CCT.

I'm thankful for: MY FAMILY OF ORIGIN
11-28-2013 My Parents & Siblings as well as those who joined as Spouses and all of the following generations.  The heritage of those who came prior and that which my generation has/will pass along is important to me. 

I'm thankful for: MY DAUGHTERS!
11-27-2013 One whose life was far too short, but taught me to be a parent and many, many other things. The other who brought life into mine later in life.  Cindy and her memories are and have been always on my mind.  The combination of wonder, joy, regret, guilt and a profound sense of sadness of what could and should have been.  Rest Peacefully sweet girl, thank you for teaching Daddy.  Heather chose to enter MY life by becoming Bryan's.  Then by being herself she enriched both our lives, and frosted them with Alex & Brenna.  Thank you Heather.

I'm thankful for: The men that are my sons!!

11-26-2013 These men have grown to be individuals that any man would be proud to call Son. I'm fortunate and thankful for the unique individual of each and the common bond they share of being good, honest, fine men to know.

Repeating my daily thankful for: I AM THANKFUL FOR SHEILA JAMES!!!
11-25-2013- As we celebrate our Eighth Anniversary I know what a lucky man I am that this lady chose to be my wife and has the patience and perseverance to stay.

I'm thankful for: Sheila James!!

11-25-2013 is the Eighth Anniversary of this good, kind, patient, gentle, friendly, attractive lady becaming my wife. I AM FORTUNATE AND THANKFUL this beautiful person (inside & out) chose to enter and stay in my life.  I don't have the words to descibe how much she means to me or all the characteristics that are good about this person.  The short list in the first sentence should include tolerant also.  She chooses to be the person she is, and for that choice I am thankful and a very lucky man.

Knowing I can!!11-24-2013 Having posted an article about daily thankful for statements. I've chosen to use that structure. I may choose to elaborate as I'm doing on this one, or I may choose NOT to. Today's statement took considerable thought and decision making. I chose to start today rather than tomorrow because I can.